up up !

I just sent in my application to a higher position. fingers crossed I will get it .. I also contacted my Director to discuss my career goals, basically I want her job. i've been motivated work wise but it's tough as I love my team and what I do but I won't be learning more here so I need to move on up. Coming back from mat leave before I didn't feel ready but I think it's because I knew I wasn't done having kids ... Now im done so I can attack my career full force ... watch out world im coming to get ya ! bwahaha .. on a different note my cake business is booming .. I am booked for lots of cakes .. it's awesome :) I feel great ... i'm not sure what I got myself into since i have a 3.5 year old and a 15 month old that is a boy trappe din a girl's body but I love to do it so I will figure stuff out ! ... im just super tired !

guilt

I need a lesson in managing life .... I sorta feel like a failure that I can't balance all the normal things that other moms can ... why is that ?

I love my job and it's not to much for me to handle .. if anything it's what keeps me sane ... I wish there was a class I could go to to teach me how to parent, clean and work all without losing it !!!

I feel defeated and out of control ... almost guilty ..

I once believed ...

I listen to music and it takes me back .. way back into a life I once had. I get sad thinking of some connections I have lost in the process but I guess things happen for a reason. Every connection has made me what I am today in some ways ... some i've learned from and others I still take on in my day to day life ... There is a strong connection that never left in the last 10 years .. this connection will never be able to fade away it's the reason i believe in me .. why I don't give up when things seem hard ... Ever have that ?

I've been abit scared of certain things happening to me lately. Situations where people speak to me and i'm looking at them and hearing them but it's like I feel like i'm in a dream and they aren't there and i just don't answer. I've forgotten things that I was sure .. no no positive I had not forgotten at home only to get home and have it be on the kitchen counter ... People have told me I have to much on my plate but I don't feel overwhelmed ... i'm scared of what it's doing though because i'm no unaware when it does happen and it's almost embarassing ... I want to go get checked but im not sure what they would say. I don't feel sick but it's scary of how blank I become at times ... almost not there like I leave my body ...

sexay burns ...

My layout is all f**ked up on this computer but I wont complain coz having access to blogger at work is unheard of !

In the attempt to make my hair all curly and girly girly I burnt my forehead and neck with the curling iron ... the only day I decide to tie my bangs back and then poof as I am driving .. my forehead is burning and is starting to turn red. GREATTTTTTTTT lovely hair but big burn on the forehead .. SEXAY ! I have nothing to cover it up and now my bangs is hairsprayed cement and I can't unpin it to hide the burns ... I will learn to not curl my hair half awake in the morning ... Iknew there was a reason I hadn't done that in a while !

On a better note I feel great ... I'm down 9lbs in 4 weeks .. and it's feeling great ! some of my old clothesis fitting again .. I am on the right track .. Im trying to find my p90X DVDs so I can start doing some ... so far no luck ..

My precious baby girl won't walk, she is 14 months and refuses to let go and walk .. she stands and does a few steps but then realises "hey im standing! nah i'll just put an end to this !" and she slowly sits ... grrrr little clown !

cookie recipe !

So i'm doing great on weight watchers again doing it on my own. Had a minor set back this weekend thinking i made good choices but really they waren't so good ... but here is a recipe

Fiber One® Crunchy Fudge Cookies ( 1pt per serving )
Prep Time:15 min
Start to Finish:50 min
Makes:About 3 1/2 dozen cookies

1 box Betty Crocker® fudge brownie mix
2 cups Fiber One® original bran cereal
2 tablespoons miniature semisweet chocolate chips
1/8 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/3 cup water
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
2 teaspoons vanilla
1 egg

1. Heat oven to 350°F. Spray cookie sheets with cooking spray. In large bowl, mix ingredients with spoon. Drop dough by rounded tablespoonfuls 2 inches apart on cookie sheets.

2. Bake 10 to 12 minutes until set. Cool 2 minutes; remove from cookie sheets to cooling rack. Cool completely. Store in tightly covered container. Freeze up to 2 months if desired.
High Altitude (3500-6500 ft): No change.

NUTRITION INFO:
1 Serving: Calories 70 (Calories from Fat 10); Total Fat 1g (Saturated Fat 0g, Trans Fat 0g); Cholesterol 5mg; Sodium 55mg; Total Carbohydrate 13g (Dietary Fiber 2g, Sugars 7g); Protein 1g Percent Daily Value*: Vitamin A 0%; Vitamin C 0%; Calcium 0%; Iron 4% Exchanges: 1 Other Carbohydrate; 0 Vegetable Carbohydrate Choices: 1 *Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet.

Back on the wagon

I officially have to get back on the weight watchers wagon .. it's been 13 months since I gave birth and I'm still 20lbs over what I want to be ... I've done it before and I can do it again .. I will succeed .. I just need to drink my 8 glasses of water and not give in to temptations ... the enemy is ice cream, and chips ... I don't have any of these in my house and I will leave it like that but I will also not have any at my parent's place or any other place for that matter unless I count it in my daily point which i intend to use wisely !

wish me luck ! I will need it ...

DRINK WATER is what I have to do !

back...

I'm back at work and this used to be blocked but I guess they brought it back so yaye for me I get to talk again ... I never thought I would be sooooooooooo busy at home not to have 5 minutes to type up my blog ... anyway I hope this will change .. i've been reading some great blogs but I miss blogging myself .. so I will do my best to change this ..

I am having a contest to find a name for my cake business ... it's not an official business yet but something I want to put in the works ... the contest is until Friday July 16, 2010 if any readers out there in the ottawa region want to participate the prize is a cake made by me ! I'm really cake addicted I love making them and im no pro but I like to think I get better as the cakes go by ...

to the boiling point ...

words or sayings that drive me nuts : ( in no specific order)

knicknacks
shananigans
touch base
from the get go
calin ( french )
ayoyeeeee ( french )
guestimate
KODAK ( french ) meaning a camera but it's the brand not the camera !

anyway these are words I hear now and then and gringe ...

I do hope Livia and Eva never use them.

something I must confess...

I've had all the time in the world to get this blog up and going and haven't really ... I think I am studying other people's blog so i can figure out what i should write about ... i used to have a livejournal and i wrote o much in their but the drama of a 20 something year old has come and gone and I'm now 30 and no longer have drama to talk about ... it's sad but at the same time it"s great .. I sorta was getting afraid it would never go away !!

I stumbled upon something today ... a site that prints all your blog entries into a book you just type in which blog you want to turn into a book and they do it for a decent price .. i think it's a brilliant idea i wish livejournal would be part of the list of blogs that can be printed. This blog is pretty boring .. but i now have decided i'm gonna do this for my daughters as I would want a book of my mothers' life and stuff we did when we were growing up ( I have pictures but blogging is so much more detailed !) so I am really gonna commit to this ... I know I must have lost all my followers but this is not aobu tthat anymor e..

the new addition to the family !

Ok so lou lou suggested that i should post pictures and announce my new addition ! Duh I know I should and it's not the time that I lack of it's more that im being lazy .. anyway so here goes ...

Eva Sofia, born June 2nd at 11:39am weighing 7lbs, 2 ounces, 19.7 inches. via planned c-section. everything went 100% better then the last time. And I am so greatful that I decided to go with the planned c-section and not try a VBAC ... geez I know I woul dhave had the same situation had I tried the VBAC so anyway everything went super good .. I was walking the next day and trying to show them that I was all good to go home but they still kept me for the full 4 days ugh ! how exhausting ... I coul dnot wait to get to sleep in my own bed ... it was hell at the hospital ... you learn to appreciate your bed once you sleep 3 nights at the hospital on the plastic mattress ... heh ..

Eva is doing great gaining weight and breastfeeding like a little trooper .. every thing is to perfect she sleeps long hours at night only waking once around 1am ish to eat and then 6 -6:30 am ... and the rest of the day she sleeps and only cries to eat ...

Im loving being a mom for the 2nd time around .. you learn to appreciate those moments where you have a newborn that doesn't move and get into everything and your running around all the time trying to keep them out of all the dangerous places ... anyway I don't know how they did it in the old days with 10 children coz just the 2 that I have I find it hard to manage while im feeding one and need to entertain the other ... the man has been at home but he's heading back early as he has realised he can't really take 11 weeks of Livia saying PARK PARK PARK everyday and crying and having a fit till he takes her .. so he's taking his 5 weeks of paternity leave and then back to work ... I can't really blame him but now that means I don't go back to work until Eva is almost 1 ... that scares me abit coz im totally a career woman ... I love my daughters .. but I remember last time I was anxious to get back to work ... I start feeling bored after abit ... I need that career woman side. Is that wrong ?

Here are pictures of my cutie pie !

scary spooky empty room ...

My little Livia has been sleeping in a big girl bed for a little over a month now and was doing great but this week I was sick and coughing so much that I guess i was waking her up. She would get out of bed and knock on the inside of her door super loudly ! I would open the door and bring her back into bed at it was 12am or 4 am or whatever am ... anyway 2 nights ago she woke at 12am and i took her back to bed but she wouldn't take it she wanted DORA I took her back to bed and said no it's sleep time it's still very dark out. Anyway on the fourth time of her knocking on the door I became very awake and just decided I would try and lay next to her in her bed ... well that worked except I so didn't want to start that habit but figured in a few days all our lives will change and we will no longer be 3 so I better take advantage of it and just lay with her till she falls back asleep ... she started whispering ¨chtaime maman¨ which means I love you mommy and ugh it melts my heart when I hear her say it as she puts so much love into her voice and grabs my arm to caress it ! Anyway after a while she falls asleep but im left wide awake and kind getting creaped out ... her room seems so big and empty and you can hear the noises from the furnace and just not a cozy feeling ... so I decided to do something about it ... we hadn't had time to properly fix up her room but figured if we atleast got the bed set up that would be good but after sleeping in the creepy huge room I needed to fix it up for her to be warm and inviting .. so yesterday my wonderful parents came to help me and boy did we spice up the room, my dad built the dresser we had ordered and put up frames and a mirror and I added the little touches like photos in the frames and her little lamp and baskets with all her teddys and another with books set up next to her laz boyish princess chair and seriously that made a huge difference ! now I feel better that my little girl is not in this scary empty room ! I bet you she wasn't even affrais but gosh I was haha :P

woah la batman ...

so things have turned for the freaking out ! the hospital called and they changed my date to the 2nd ... which means i lose 3 days of prep and I've taken my sweet ass time to get to all the stuff i wanted to get done as i have a major head/chest thing going on that is knocking me out :(

i didn't know they could bring it forward i thought they could push it later but not forward ... the man has a mid term at university to do on the 4th and the 5th was going to be perfect ... good thing i decided to take an extra week off work i was gonna stop working June 1st !! geez ... Don't get me wrong im super excited just wish i would have done more earlier !

mark your calendars !

Friday June 5th 2009, is the day our lives will change once again for what I like to believe is the better :) The birth of our 2nd baby girl. To think only 4 years ago I was just meeting my guy and getting to know him and now 4 years later I have a fiance, a beautiful toddler girl and another baby girl on the way .. a beautiful house and a great job ... im set .. life could not be better ... well unless I could just get rid of a few bills but other then that I am very blessed !

Eva we can't wait to meet you baby girl :)

homestretch

So people im on my homestretch I only have about 3 weeks left ! nuts how this pregnancy went by so fast .. last time it was dragging. i feel abit overwhelmed by all I need to do before the baby gets here but then people remind me if that stuff isn't done WHO CARES ... but then i think I care coz I stress over little things like dishes in the sink even though it seems like their is always dishes in the sink either clean or dirty ... Livia's room is half done and babies room to ... but half is not good enough i want done ! you know ?

So my little princess turned 2 a few weeks back .. and now is in her big girl bed and she is doing great ! She was so ready, she is sleeping like a champ !

I haven't been updating coz i've been busy doing websites, working and sleeping .. im so exhausted it's crazy ... i don't know how I will make it till May 29th ( my last day of work )

Tommorow I find out my c-section date !!

to my angel

My dearest baby girl,

We discovered we were expecting you months ago, after many pregnancy tests and thinking you would never be we were so excited you would make Livia a big sister and us your proud parents.

At first the days and nights were rough you made me sick ALL the time, onions were the enemy. Daddy brought home some take out asian food after school one night, I was in the bedroom and he was in the family room and the smell came into the room under the door and that was it I was sick all night ... on top of that I wanted to sleep 24/7. 3 months went by and I thought it would stop but it kept on and on christmas day I felt worst, I was losing hope of feeling better for the rest of the pregnancy. But then out of no where at 4 months I was clear of the sickness ! I could enjoy my days again ! We got to see you bouncing around at 11 weeks and again at 23 weeks where I felt you move for the first time. You were bouncing around and waving at us and we found out you were a girl ! We were so excited and asked Livia what she wanted to name you she yelled out DOAAAAAAAAA for her favorite character Dora the Explorer. We decided against that unfortunitly for Livia :P

You've made me crave so many things, at one point I could not eat a meal unless it was a craving I had to crave my meals and when I did only that one thing would do .. nothing weird but nothing ultra healthy eather ... If I could live on a Dairy Queen diet I would. During your stay in my tummy I turned 30 .. yes the big 3-0 but it's ok im ok with it ... I think heh. I have so much to be proud of at my age that it's just an age at this point. Your daddy threw me a surprise party where all my wonderful friends came to celebrate and your aunt Lili bought me a Dairy Queen Blizzard extreme chocolate cake YUM. And your big sister is turning 2 next week ! Also daddy got his Bacc at the university. He worked so hard for it !

I have to say for the rough start of my pregnancy you are being great at letting mommy sleep at night ... Your sister kept me up all night while I was pregnant with her ! I started getting heart burn but I think that's just because I'm not eating dinner lately, I haven't been hungry in the evening. Your sitting very low in my tummy and I thought for sure you were a boy.

So you see my little angel, you are coming so soon ... im 31 weeks preggers and we can't wait to meet you ... And Livia can't wait to be a big sister !

See you soon my love ...

mommy .. x0x0x

popcorn review #1

Ok So i've been a long time fan of popcorn of all sorts ... and pretzels .. they are my favorite snack .. but I usually go for the low fat non butter popcorn but since i've been preggers iève decided to dump the low fat and eat what I damn want :P i've been experimenting with different kinds of buttery microwavable popcorns and have had some great ones and some not so great ...





Today I had:

Orville Redenbocher's Ultimate butter ... sounds super buttery and good but im dissapointed at how it makes the house smell like super gross chemically butter and it doesn't offer that much in taste ... it's just salty and greasy .. and makes my microwave pretty buttered ... Maybe that's where all the butter goes ... So far im only eating the rest of the box coz I bought a box of 6 but I don't think I will be running to the store to get more of this brand.

I give this 3 pops outta 10 ...

not worth the extra calories.

_____________________

I took Livia to the doctor's yesterday and apparently she is above average in height but she is underweight ... and I wonder how accurate the charts are .. I mean she has a little buddah belly and even has a little round face with abit of a second chin ( beby chubby chin ) she is not overweight but hardly underweight .. she eats very well all her veggies and meat and all and I don't feed her junk food, sometimes i'll give her a sweet treat but it's usually something healthy and im not about to let her go on a mcdonald's diet ... anyway I was abit insulted to be told she is underweight ... I mean her pants aren't falling off ... sometimes she goes on a hunger strike but it doesn't last that long and she is a runner she is always on the go ... so I just think she is an athlete and the doctor is talking outta her ass :P

________________________

Livia has been mimicking me alot lately .. she'll walk around with her play phone having huge conversations with whoever is on the other side of the fake connection and she'll even throw in a few giggles here and there to sound like she actually is talking to someone and they said something so funny. She likes to include Dora and Diego in her talks and all the kids at daycare to ... she cracks me up .. she is a little actress I love it !

passe carreau

Today is a gorgeous day ... sunday is getting out of the house day and doing whatever we didn't do saturday ... today was haircut day for Livia ... I took her to get her haircut and was trying to tell the woman what i wanted but she was determined to give her the "rounded" hair cut. I didn't really catch what she was saying I just knew I didn't want her to have the bowl haircut so i said just layers and straight at the bottom no funny stuff .. well she did what she wanted .. and good thing my friend Lili was with me coz Livia was lobsided, one side of her hair was longer then the other ... anyway it's done now and it will grow back but I went to a place I thought was gonna be real good since they charge 21$ for just a cut ( Melonhead at place d'orleans) I won't be going there anymore ...

I think the woman watched to much of Passe-Partout as she gave Livia the Passe-Carreau haircut :

potty shmotty ...

wow I went to pick up Livia today from the babysitter's and she had little Dora underwear on ! I was so proud of my little girl not even 2 yet and she is almost potty trained ... still well into he process but it's a huge accomplishment that she managed to wear those underwear all afternoon with no accidents ! I don't think i ever said it on here but we are really lucky to have the babysitter we we have ... she is like Livia's second mom ... She is a super babysitter and mom herself to 2 cutie boys !

So I recently started reading the blog of a friend of my former roommate Beck ... this lady is doing reviews on chocolate bars .. a bar a day ... I do eat chocolate but im not that much of a sweet tooth ... i prefer salty stuff .. my faves being pretzels and popcorn .. lately i've been experimenting with all sorts of popcorns and yeaterday i realised .. i should review them as some have been great and others not so great .. so the next bag of popcorn i will make I will share my comments on ... but im not doing the 30 day thing like you Erin or else i'll urn into a popcorn !

bloody knee

When I was a kid I used to play jump rope on the curb trying to gain my balance while jumping .. of course that resulted in many falls and knee scrapes .. When your a kid and scrape your knee it hurts like your dying but after mom cleans it up and puts a band aid on it your fine and get right back to what you were doing that made you fall in the first place ...

Today I was dropping Livia off at daycare .. I get out of the car and go to open the back door and WOO I slip on a patch of ice and land right on my knee, I get right up but geez that hurt ... memories from my childhood came flooding in. But my knee was hurting and burning. Livia was just sitting there wondering what happened, I had to wait before I took her out of the car seat i wasn't as brave as I was when I was a kid .. I didn't have my mom to clean it and put a band aid on it and make it all better.

I got home and cleaned it up but it wasn't the same ... being older and not having mommy to make it better sucks :P

i'm on the phone

She was eating macaroni salad and all I could hear was "lo?" "lo?" her way of saying hello. I turned to look, at every little macaroni she would put it to her ear like a little telephone and speak into it and listen ... it was to cute ... she kept doing it with each and every macaroni ...

I am tired .. and it's getting old .. I am missing out on the peak energie boost im suppose to be experiencing at this point in my pregnancy .. and why might you ask ?? well all because of this little thing called the Thyroid gland .. ugh .. what a struggle it's been to get it right .. I have hypothyroid, have had it since I was 15 .. so about 15 years ago .. and still it's not right .. the pregnancy does affect it but god it's draining me at this point .. im in bed at 8 and asleep by 8:15 and I even would nap if I could ...

My 30th birthday is coming up on the 19th and i'm not sure what to think of it ... panic, jump for joy, be proud of where i'm at, freak out and become a hermit, wear t-shirts that say I'm 30 and insert nifty saying here: ________??? Or just keep going like I have been ... one thing is for sure I need to be smart with money .. im way to impulsive and let my self be tempted by little things we probably don't need .. im not a selfish shopper .. most of the time the stuff is for Livia or for the man ... but still it's money I need to put away ... for the next series of income tax ugh .. yup .. my birthday is surrounded by money grabbing events ... including; income taxes, permit renewal, plate renewal... insert whatever else you wanna insert that can drain my money and not give me anything fun in return !!!