up up !

I just sent in my application to a higher position. fingers crossed I will get it .. I also contacted my Director to discuss my career goals, basically I want her job. i've been motivated work wise but it's tough as I love my team and what I do but I won't be learning more here so I need to move on up. Coming back from mat leave before I didn't feel ready but I think it's because I knew I wasn't done having kids ... Now im done so I can attack my career full force ... watch out world im coming to get ya ! bwahaha .. on a different note my cake business is booming .. I am booked for lots of cakes .. it's awesome :) I feel great ... i'm not sure what I got myself into since i have a 3.5 year old and a 15 month old that is a boy trappe din a girl's body but I love to do it so I will figure stuff out ! ... im just super tired !

guilt

I need a lesson in managing life .... I sorta feel like a failure that I can't balance all the normal things that other moms can ... why is that ?

I love my job and it's not to much for me to handle .. if anything it's what keeps me sane ... I wish there was a class I could go to to teach me how to parent, clean and work all without losing it !!!

I feel defeated and out of control ... almost guilty ..

I once believed ...

I listen to music and it takes me back .. way back into a life I once had. I get sad thinking of some connections I have lost in the process but I guess things happen for a reason. Every connection has made me what I am today in some ways ... some i've learned from and others I still take on in my day to day life ... There is a strong connection that never left in the last 10 years .. this connection will never be able to fade away it's the reason i believe in me .. why I don't give up when things seem hard ... Ever have that ?

I've been abit scared of certain things happening to me lately. Situations where people speak to me and i'm looking at them and hearing them but it's like I feel like i'm in a dream and they aren't there and i just don't answer. I've forgotten things that I was sure .. no no positive I had not forgotten at home only to get home and have it be on the kitchen counter ... People have told me I have to much on my plate but I don't feel overwhelmed ... i'm scared of what it's doing though because i'm no unaware when it does happen and it's almost embarassing ... I want to go get checked but im not sure what they would say. I don't feel sick but it's scary of how blank I become at times ... almost not there like I leave my body ...

sexay burns ...

My layout is all f**ked up on this computer but I wont complain coz having access to blogger at work is unheard of !

In the attempt to make my hair all curly and girly girly I burnt my forehead and neck with the curling iron ... the only day I decide to tie my bangs back and then poof as I am driving .. my forehead is burning and is starting to turn red. GREATTTTTTTTT lovely hair but big burn on the forehead .. SEXAY ! I have nothing to cover it up and now my bangs is hairsprayed cement and I can't unpin it to hide the burns ... I will learn to not curl my hair half awake in the morning ... Iknew there was a reason I hadn't done that in a while !

On a better note I feel great ... I'm down 9lbs in 4 weeks .. and it's feeling great ! some of my old clothesis fitting again .. I am on the right track .. Im trying to find my p90X DVDs so I can start doing some ... so far no luck ..

My precious baby girl won't walk, she is 14 months and refuses to let go and walk .. she stands and does a few steps but then realises "hey im standing! nah i'll just put an end to this !" and she slowly sits ... grrrr little clown !

cookie recipe !

So i'm doing great on weight watchers again doing it on my own. Had a minor set back this weekend thinking i made good choices but really they waren't so good ... but here is a recipe

Fiber One® Crunchy Fudge Cookies ( 1pt per serving )
Prep Time:15 min
Start to Finish:50 min
Makes:About 3 1/2 dozen cookies

1 box Betty Crocker® fudge brownie mix
2 cups Fiber One® original bran cereal
2 tablespoons miniature semisweet chocolate chips
1/8 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/3 cup water
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
2 teaspoons vanilla
1 egg

1. Heat oven to 350°F. Spray cookie sheets with cooking spray. In large bowl, mix ingredients with spoon. Drop dough by rounded tablespoonfuls 2 inches apart on cookie sheets.

2. Bake 10 to 12 minutes until set. Cool 2 minutes; remove from cookie sheets to cooling rack. Cool completely. Store in tightly covered container. Freeze up to 2 months if desired.
High Altitude (3500-6500 ft): No change.

NUTRITION INFO:
1 Serving: Calories 70 (Calories from Fat 10); Total Fat 1g (Saturated Fat 0g, Trans Fat 0g); Cholesterol 5mg; Sodium 55mg; Total Carbohydrate 13g (Dietary Fiber 2g, Sugars 7g); Protein 1g Percent Daily Value*: Vitamin A 0%; Vitamin C 0%; Calcium 0%; Iron 4% Exchanges: 1 Other Carbohydrate; 0 Vegetable Carbohydrate Choices: 1 *Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet.

Back on the wagon

I officially have to get back on the weight watchers wagon .. it's been 13 months since I gave birth and I'm still 20lbs over what I want to be ... I've done it before and I can do it again .. I will succeed .. I just need to drink my 8 glasses of water and not give in to temptations ... the enemy is ice cream, and chips ... I don't have any of these in my house and I will leave it like that but I will also not have any at my parent's place or any other place for that matter unless I count it in my daily point which i intend to use wisely !

wish me luck ! I will need it ...

DRINK WATER is what I have to do !

back...

I'm back at work and this used to be blocked but I guess they brought it back so yaye for me I get to talk again ... I never thought I would be sooooooooooo busy at home not to have 5 minutes to type up my blog ... anyway I hope this will change .. i've been reading some great blogs but I miss blogging myself .. so I will do my best to change this ..

I am having a contest to find a name for my cake business ... it's not an official business yet but something I want to put in the works ... the contest is until Friday July 16, 2010 if any readers out there in the ottawa region want to participate the prize is a cake made by me ! I'm really cake addicted I love making them and im no pro but I like to think I get better as the cakes go by ...