the test of life...

I'm having one of those days where I feel like a pretty crappy mom.

Livia was invited to her first real birthday party. A friend I used to work with invited me, it was her son's 5th birthday. Well it went a little like this:

Livia arrives and decides to be super scared, ok I can understand she doesn't know anyone .. but i've never seen her like this before .. she was clinging for dear life to come up in my arms. Well I have my big belly and I can't really hold on to 27 lbs for that long, but she wouldn't have it any other way ...

Then we go off to the kitchen to do a craft and she did fine their .. but then all hell broke loose when she saw the berries on a little table her high .. she wanted down from the table and NOW and then she was just wolfing down the berries like I hadn't fed her in 3 weeks .. I was trying to stop her nicely but she would not have it .. and just wanted to stuff her face ... well im sorry but she has to share with all the other kids and well they are not Livia's big plate of berries so i took her asside and told her "They are not all for you, you have to share" she starts to ball her eyez out and then the tantrum she was kicking me in the stomach and then i had to put her down so she lied flat on her stomach and started doing that thing we all hate ..kicking the ground and screaming ... full on tantrum ... and crying super loud .. of course all the other kids are well behaved and just watching her have this tantrum ... I was ready to leave .. but then I figured no I have to stick this out and learn from this .. but it was getting harder and harder ... then the gifts came.. the boy loves Dora .. well Livia loves Dora ... she would just go up to him and pull on all his gifts that had Dora on them ... oh and guess what the theme of the party was ? DORA ! ugh

then a clown came into the picture .. she was super scared but then she warmed up and had fun but then heard stirring in the kitchen and ran off to go look at what was going on ... oh well food of course and once again my little malnourished baby girl was screaming for food ... ugh embarassing ... she layed flat in the kitchen and pulled the same tantrum i wrote above ...So of course I had to ask for some to give her ... everyone then ate and the cake came out ... a DORA cake ... insert freaking out of excitement like it was her own party Livia here ... and then she did what a Dora freak would do and stole the Dora characters from the boys hands ! ...

Ok I had it .. it was time to go ... I lasted from 10am to 1pm but it felt like a 12 hour party ... I was done .. we headed home, she fell asleep, it was a 7 minute ride home .. I try to take her from the car seat to the bed .. nope didn't work now she's wide awake ..I leav eher in her crib to see if she'll talk herself to sleep.

Meanwhile i go in my bedroom and break down ... I cry for a good 10 minutes .. not knowing what else I could have done to make this more enjoyable ... then comes the hubby to ask me what is up .. and I just ball saying I feel like I don't know anything about raising my daughter and really it scares me to death .. she doesn't listen .. I try everything .. i don't give in... i'm firm but at the right moments ... still she won't listen ...

to make matters worst she hasn't eaten her dinner in like 3 nights ... she won't even taste it ... ugh

It was just a horrible day :(

one gone ...

Item #1 on the Agenda
So one 1kg strawberry costco container gone, 1 to go ... it breaks my heart to share them with anyone ... The hubby looks in the fridge WOW we have tons of berries .. ugh yeah they are MINE hands off ... I shared a few with Livia but it brough tears to my eyes as she made faces at every bite she took, like she didn't like them ... I kept telling her it's ok to leave them if you don't want them .. Mommy we'll gladly finnish them !

Item #2 on the Agenda
Are you one of those people or part of a family where the hubby HAS to take out the snowblower for every little snow fall ... ??? We'll our neighbour is and it drives us nuts. It takes the hubby less time to shovel all our snow then it takes for this guy to snowblow 1 cm of snow ...

Item #3 on the Agenda
Livia is learning so many new things lately. She was going through a book and naming all the animals in her own way ... she is really good at saying "abeille" it's bee in french and she tries to say hypopotame which cracks me up ! she also yells the answers to Dora's questions on the TV she is really good at finding the answers ... You really have to listen to her words as sometimes they are french and other times they are english ... she yells BACKPACK but then sometimes says it in french "Sac à dos" Love it !

Item #4 on the Agenda
I was watching the show "The Doctors" today and they brought up the woman that had the octuplets .. and they showed a clip where Katie Couric asked her if they had warned her of birth defects and she said of course they did and then she said and you wanted to take that chance with 8 embryos ... not just try to implant 3 or 4 ... and she said she wanted the 8 ... This whole story is sad .. but it's true when you get pregnant nobody asks you can you afford a baby .. they just assume you've got what it takes ...

Monsters inc.

We introduced Livia to Monsters inc ... and I thought it was a bad idea, maybe she would be scared of her closet after but nope she wants to watch it over and over again. And for now I don't mind but im sure when I get to the 5th time of watching it I will get really sick of it. Today though is an exception. Our sitter is sick with the stomach flu and so is her son so I am working from home, I don't have a choice I am swamped. I have to admit I love having loads of work but not when I have to work from home with Livia around. I told my boss i'd take a family related leave in the AM but would work during nap time but so far so good Monsters inc has been a great babysitter. I hate parking her infront of the tv but I don't have much of a choice right now .. the hubby has used up all his family related leave and I still have 2 left.. but yeah the swampped thing doesn't help a whole lot .. I'd love to take her out but it's not in the cards today.

Guilt is in the air ... she doesn't seem to mind or hold it against me ... the good thing is I get random kisses and hugs here and there .. Love it ! :)

small meals

I've been really lazy lately, maybe not lazy but not in the mood to eat a real big meal .. I like to have all these little things that are somewhat good for me ... or not until I'm full. I've been really into strawberries and I had this craving for very buttery popcorn, frosted mini wheats, blueberry bagels with light strawberry cream cheese, not all together but probably one after the next until im pleasently full. I haven't wanted the normal meat, veggie and potatoes. I try to make meals for my hubby and Livia but im not interested in eating it myself, so I wait till Livia is in bed and then I eat my sweet little nothings ...

the hubby had the stomach flu earlier this week and I was so affraid to get it or for Livia to get it so I cleaned cleaned cleaned .. I felt like a freak but the last thing I need is for Livia to be throwing up non stop .. knock on wood that we won't get it ... he's feeling much better .. but I still feel cautious near him heh.

im craving strawberries as I sit here ... thank god for costco they save me ! 4.99$ for 1 kg of berries that I eat in like 2 days !

22 weeks gone by ...

I'm only 22 weeks pregnant god can it be more depressing ... it feels like i'm 40 weeks ... everything feels squished I really feel like their is not more room in their .. but I've only gained 6 lbs so far ... I get these updates from babycentre and they say right now is the peak where i should feel great ! wow am I not their or what !?? I really don't feel like all that and a slice of bread ! I feel like humegous and an 18 wheeler ! tired all the the time, sore all over... yeah you get the picture ... but yes yes i'm lucky to be pregnant and I can appreciate that .. i have so many friends having a hard time ... it's like we go part of our adult life worrying about getting pregnant and when we are ready someone gives us a hard time ... We'll for some that is ... then their are the lucky ones like me. So yes i'm complaining about all these physical crappy things but I know their is worst in the world .. i'm not that heartless ...

secret hidding spots....

When something goes missing the first thing you do is try to find the guilty party. When that guilty party swears they are not at fault you start wondering if you have lost your head or what ? For examples we've been losing our library cards and other not so important cards around the house ... The hubby had just gotten a new library card and then it went missing again ... he is not the most organized person in the world so I figured it's probably in a pile of papers somewhere. So he went and got another ... we got home and were just sitting around when Livia wanted to play with an old gift card that no longer had any money on it ... I often let her play with cards I don't use she actually looks like a little shopper trying to put it in her pocket ... but this time she went straight to her big lounging chair and we saw her shove it in the seat cushion.... I told the hubby "get her ! " so he got her before she could stuff it deep into the abyss of the unknown, but then I started wondering, is this where all the cards went to die ?? and to our surprise, YES there they all were .. the library cards ( she even got the new one the hubby just got that day, in there !!) some points cards, old gift card ... we just felt like wow we have solved that mystery ...

Now if we could only solve the mystery of socky heaven !!! where are all the other socks !

names ...

I've been struggling with my name all my life .. I love my name but english people butcher it .. no offence to my english friends I just don't like it when you say your name and then someone repeats it with their own pronounciation right after the fact. I have a few friends that say it correctly and then their are the others that I just gave up trying to make them say it the right way because well I know what they mean...

I am having to do the same for my daughter as people add an "O" to her name or a "D" we went for a short name so it would not be complicated for people to say it but we are constantly having to corect people on how they say it .. it's not a hard name L-I-V-I-A but we get Olivia, Lidia I don't know if I should keep correcting people .. I sorta feel rude when I say "It's LIVIA". But their is someone we see pretty much everyday that calls her Olivia and she's known her for a few months now but I just don't know how to tell her in a nice way "it's LIVIA" without sounding snotty or rude ...

Am I the only one annoyed with this ??